Yesterday, just after hitting “publish” on my iPhone 4S recommendation post, I received the news that Steve Jobs had passed away at the too-young age of 56.

I never met Steve, but his uncompromising focus on doing the right thing has influenced me. Today, Ken Segall (I read his blog religiously) shared the impact that Steve had on him, and I must agree, although I never had the experience of working directly with him.

Although I have been accused of being an Apple fan boy, my relationship with Apple is relatively recent and based on only one thing: my use of Apple products has given me a far more productive and pleasant experience than any of the environments I have used in over 25 years of daily technology use.

…and the reason for that is the insistence that Steve had on building products for people, not “users.”

Yesterday, I was struck by how sad I felt when I learned of Steve’s passing. I was rocked when I first saw the news, and found myself grieving far more than I would have expected.

Why?

I think one of the reasons is the rarity of Steve’s insistence on building technology that works for people. Just reading the industry commentaries about Apple products shows this clearly. The complaints are universally about “speeds and feeds,” complaining that this phone has a bigger, higher-quality display than the iPhone or that tablet is available in a 7-inch form factor, missing the only thing that matters: how the product works as a whole. This is why the iPhone is the most popular phone in the US and the iPad is really the only tablet that matters.

So, farewell, Steve. You have inspired me and I am grateful. My commitment is to apply what I have learned from your approach.

Thank you.

I grew up in the Midwest, land of wheat and corn, lazy summer days by the pond, sleds and skis in the winter. As I watched men interact with each other, I learned one thing: the handshake of an honest man is worth more than any written contract any day.

As I moved into my career, I was blessed to meet a group of brilliant engineers during my work with the InteropNet at the gigantic Interop trade show. These men and women were the best of the best, elite network engineers at the top of their game. We worked at the bleeding edge of technology, expecting — knowing really — that things would go wrong and we would fix them. As a result, engineers from competitive companies often worked together to fix interoperability issues (that is, after all, where “Interop” originated). This team was the Interop NOC team (NOC stands for Network Operations Center), and to this day they remain among my best friends and among those I respect the most in the world.

As a team, we operated under the “NOC moral NDA,” an unwritten agreement that was stronger than any written word could make it. When we work together even now, years later, a simple, “this is under NOC NDA” is all we need to be assured of confidentiality. It’s unquestionable. Take it to the bank, it’s trustworthy.

Unfortunately, this is increasingly rare in the world today. It seems that many people are comfortable telling “half-truths” (which is another word for “lies”), breaking promises, breaching confidentiality, and generally playing roughshod with integrity. Regardless of any excuses that perpetrators may offer for this kind of behavior, it’s all dishonest. And done once, it means that the perpetrator can no longer be trusted with any commitment, promise, or communication.

I don’t think the short-term benefit of such a strategy is worth the long-term loss.

For your part, what does it cost for youth give up your integrity?

When dealing with others, I think Ronald Regan’s strategy is the best I’ve heard:

Trust…

…but verify.

As I begin a new day, I am thinking about the power of commitments and agreements… When I make an agreement with myself or another, I create a reality that didn’t exist before. The agreement creates a bond between present and future, intent and reality. What happens next?

What happens next is a function of whether or not I keep the agreement and whether or not I’m moving towards its keeping. When I am active in the actions of a plan to complete my agreement, there is a sense of accomplishment and awareness of integrity.

When I am not active in moving towards my promise, I tend to hide from my commitment. I “forget” it, avoid it, and most often procrastinate in creating any plan to achieve it. While I may suppress my sense of integrity lost, it is there, gnawing at my self worth, reminding me that I am untrustworthy, and keeping me from moving forward in my life.

There is a false antidote to this struggle: I just avoid making commitments. If I don’t commit to you that I will do or be something, I can’t fail to deliver. Unfortunately, this means I leave behind in my wake an ambiguous mess of misunderstanding and confusion. “I thought you said…” “No, I never said that! What I said was…” Together with phrases like “I’ll try…” “If I can…” and even “Sounds good!”

But underneath the outward assurance, inside you know. You avoided the commitment, created a sense of agreement to avoid conflict, and built a line of defenses based on waffle-words.

The problem is that we pay the price for this lack of agreement and commitment. We live life out of integrity and feel the weight of deception and doubt. We lose clear priorities. We have no clean lines.

So we look for others to tell us what to do. And we repeat the cycle: You will commit to only what you know you can easily accomplish. You hide from any possible failure by not promising more. You create a bastion of reasons. You’re so busy. Family commitments call. Work needs you. Bad traffic. And on and on we go, spinning excuses and watching life tick-tock, tick-tock to the end.

And we die before our time.

Want to live? Take a risk! Commit to an accomplishment that means something to you. Commit it to yourself, someone important to you, or to God.

Then take the first step: figure out the first few steps on the path to getting there. Create review milestones when you’ll correct your plan, expand it, and clarify it. Get to the end. Pick small promises at first. Take out the garbage. Sort the recyclables. Wash the dishes and put them away. And do what you promise. Create a habit. Then build on it.

Live your commitments. Everything else is noise and smoke.

Sometimes discovery sneaks up on me.

I’ve been fighting lately. I had one of those “big” birthdays recently (one that ends in a “0″) and have been doing a lot of self-examination and thinking about what’s next in this random miracle that is my life. I’ve also been facing really difficult truths. Friends who have betrayed their commitments to me, customers who took advantage of my trust and keep promising payment that hasn’t come, and the pain of mysterious gossip and slander that hides in the shadows every time someone is successful… and I am no exception.

Sometimes, it rears its ugly head and demands attention instead of the brush off I usually give it.

That just happened to me.

Two weekends ago I attended a conference in the mountains west of Golden. Called Men at the Cross, it was a time of introspection, reflection, challenging my deeply-rooted beliefs about myself, and examination of why I do what I do and am who I am. It snowed 6″ (in May??!), I was challenged and took action I normally would have avoided, and faced authenticity from others that is exceptionally rare.

It was great!

As I reflected on the past few years during my time there, I realized that coaching others has its joys, but when I’m not careful, I miss those learning opportunities that show up for me. Such was the case that weekend. Fortunately, I was forced to slow down enough to examine myself and my life in order to see what I might have lost. It was an interesting process as I both went through it and observed myself going through it… There were times I stood off to the side and just watched, others where I lost myself in the process.

I decided to risk believing that the Father had something to show me. He did.

It is an incredible gift and blessing to see clearly, and I did see it. I guess it was time. I saw the stories I made up to myself in the process of trying to understand what was going on and why. I also got clarity about how to deal with it all.

Here’s the deal: if you have something you want to say about someone, say it to them. If you are unwilling or unable to do that, don’t say anything to anyone. Own your own stuff. Don’t blame it on the person who happens to trigger the response in you. It’s yours. Own it.

So, if you’ve got something to say to me, please say it. I promise to listen, whether I agree or not.

I’m going to own my stuff, too, confront those who have been believing gossip and slander about me, and I am going to move forward.

More on that move forward next time. Have you read Poke the Box and/or Linchpin by Seth Godin? If not, you really should.

That’ll be next…!

In a scene from “The Princess Bride” that keeps running through my head these days, Inigo Montoya turns to Vizzini and says, “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

It seems to me that much of communication suffers from the same issue: in a rush to reduce conflict, words have been watered down and their meanings changed to the point that one person says or writes a word intending one meaning while the hearer or reader interprets another. Then, communication doesn’t happen.

So, it’s time we review one of the first rules of good communications:

Before you say something important, define your terms.

It’s easy to assume that your listener understands your words as you intend them, but we’ve discovered that more often than not, they don’t. Often, it is very difficult to precisely define some terms, and it is those that it is best to address in your communications.

For example, I’ve lately been struck by the use of the word “love” in contexts as varied as Sunday sermons and teenage gigglefests. While I’m working on a series of articles about it that I’ll post here in the future, right now I’ll make the observation that many people would not agree on what it means. Is it a good feeling? A commitment? Physical intimacy? Or something else? How is it different from “like” or “devotion”?

Furthermore, it’s not that any of these uses is wrong. It is simply that you, by using a word without clarifying what you mean by it, may deliver a very different message than you intend.

What words do you think are particularly troublesome in this way? How do you define your terms?

It’s easy to wing it. It doesn’t even matter what subject we’re discussing; winging it makes it all seem easier.

It really doesn’t, though.

In the back of your mind you deal with the niggling sense that you might be forgetting something. Did you pack your socks? Turn off the oven?

And that’s true of everything you do, from something as simple as packing for a trip to something as complex as building a new business.

For the more basic tasks of our lives, we typically have or make a list. When we go to the grocery store, we take a list of the items we need to buy. When we plan a trip, we have a checklist of what we need to pack… don’t forget the swim suit!

But in business, leaders often put off building the list. In many cases, there is a lot of activity and the appearance of forward movement even though there are much more effective ways to do what you are doing. At least you’re moving. It seems to be progress.

But, it’s not. It’s confusing activity with productivity, and it’s lethal.

Build your plan first. Make a list. Then (and only then) go to it.

Three weeks ago, I took a drive to the mountains. I love the mountains and always enjoy any opportunity to get up to the thinner and cleaner air. This time, though, I exited I-70 earlier than usual and pulled into downtown Idaho Springs.

Idaho Springs is an old gold mining town nestled in a valley along I-70. You can see the old gold mine from the highway, and stopping for a tour is a common summer activity. The town also sits at the foot of Mount Evans, one of Colorado’s glorious 14ers (mountains with summits over 14,000′ in elevation), and is a starting point for hiking and mountain biking.

This day, though, I was there to visit with a new client; a small business with a broad reach worldwide. I love their offices! You turn into one of the storefront doors along Miner Street (effectively Main Street) and a broad, beautiful stairway opens before you. Upstairs, their offices have high ceilings and the feel of 100 years ago. The energy is productive and there is a lot of work getting done. The office dogs and owners greeted me as I ascended. We smiled at one another and caught up. Then, we got to work.

Whenever I work with them, speak with them, give them my best counsel for their business, or simply exchange a few emails, I feel valued. I know that they care about me and appreciate the expertise and value I am bringing to them and their business. And you know what? As a result, their business is going to improve. We’re going to find ways to grow their customer base, to improve their office efficiency, and to increase their profits.

I’m sure that you can tell me similar stories about businesses you have visited as a customer, placed you have worked, and other companies you have contacted.

I’d be willing to bet that you also have stories about companies where you didn’t feel valued. Companies who, although you are paying for their products or services, seemed intent upon making it clear that they couldn’t be bothered helping you and, in fact, you were simply interrupting their day by being there.

Do you feel valued?

It’s a good question, and one that’s worth more than a conversation. It’s worth finding out which organizations value people–and which organizations don’t.

This idea came to friends at Newmeasures, an organization dedicated to improving organizational culture. A couple of weeks ago, they launched ifeelvalued.com to find out which companies value people. It’s a great idea. Let’s find out which organizations do a great job of valuing people… and which don’t. Go visit ifeelvalued.com and put in your thoughts on companies you appreciate… and those you think need to be known as places to avoid.

And let me know what you think in the comments…

In the first installment in this series, I mentioned the first law of success in Zig Ziglar’s terms: “You can get anything you want out of life if you just help enough other people get what they want.” As you dissect that concept, you will begin to see how powerful it is. The value you generate to others will determine what you receive in life. There is a value that you generate for one person which is multiplied by the number of people you find who want it. As you grow the per-person value, your reward grows. As you expand the number of people, it also grows. While outlining this law in his famous record “The Strangest Secret,” Earl Nightingale articulated it in this way:

Your success will always be measured by the quality and quantity of service you render. Most people will tell you that they want to make money, without understanding this law. The only people who make money work in a mint. The rest of us must earn money. This is what causes those who keep looking for something for nothing, or a free ride, to fail in life. Success is not the result of making money; earning money is the result of success — and success is in direct proportion to our service.

Most people have this law backwards. It’s like the man who stands in front of the stove and says to it: “Give me heat and then I’ll add the wood.” How many men and women do you know, or do you suppose there are today, who take the same attitude toward life? There are millions.

We’ve got to put the fuel in before we can expect heat. Likewise, we’ve got to be of service first before we can expect money. Don’t concern yourself with the money. Be of service … build … work … dream … create! Do this and you’ll find there is no limit to the prosperity and abundance that will come to you.

Apply this rule today and you will begin to see a change for the better.

Rule 2 will become present in your life very quickly, then. In fact, it has been often on my mind this week and has come up in multiple conversations. Here’s the story of one of them:

I met with a good friend for lunch this Wednesday. He’s an Elder in our church, and I have served with him on the board of directors for a local non-profit. He is a wise and successful man. We met to talk business, challenges for some of the people we know, and the influence of spiritual truths on our lives. During our conversation, we shared our thoughts on helping two of the men we know. These men have been challenged in the job market that has emerged during this time of economic uncertainty, but they have given up. Their wives are working, but they are not. The stress on their marriages have them both on the rocks. Unless something changes, it’s likely that we will see both of their marriages rendered asunder, kids damaged, and souls devastated.

All because they have been broken against the rocks of the second law.

Ironically, during the conversations with my wise friend, we talked about his response to the economic conditions. His story was much like my other wise friends, and went something like this: “When the economy changed, on of my primary sources of income stopped. Suddenly. Overnight, services that had been providing 30-50% of our income dried up. I had to find ways to replace it. I went back to school. Renewed my license to broker loans, and added that to my services.”

Do you see the difference?

During the second world war, Viktor Frankl was taken prisoner first to the Theresienstadt concentration camp and later to Auschwitz. During his time in the camps, he came to a profound understanding of the strength of human consciousness in the face of difficulty and suffering. It was he who said, “Each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.”

And it was he who first pointed out, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

“…our power to choose our response.” This concept is pregnant with potency. So many avoid this truth and hide from their responsibility by pretending that their lives are not their own; that somehow the faceless “others” dictate the direction of their lives. They seem themselves as powerless to make their own choices. Yet these thoughts are all lies… and they lead only to pain, suffering, and failure.

It is you who chooses. They are your choices. No one controls you, although many will work to influence you using a broad range of tools from their words to their threats and from there to the exercise of authority. Ultimately, though, as Frankl so thoroughly proves in his seminal work, “Man’s Search for Meaning,” it is up to you what you do and no one else is responsible, accountable, or capable of living your life or making your choices.

Recently, my friend and mentor Matt Furey has expressed this truth in this way: ”You are not to blame for everything in your life—but you are responsible for how you think and feel about everything in your life.”

This is the second law of success.

It’s another Saturday morning and I’m sitting in Starbucks working away while my two daughters dance at their studio nearby. As I often do, I find myself considering what has motivated me to visit Starbucks… again.

Of course, Starbucks isn’t the only coffee shop near here. There is WiFi at their studio that I could use, and it’s not only the noise at the studio that has me choosing Starbucks, instead.

I was here last week, too. I sat at the bar, working on my Mac. The line was out the door, and I waited for an opening to order my usual venti Chai. The baristas whirled around behind the bar, filling order after order, mostly avoiding the seemingly inevitable collisions as they rushed in a coordinated effort to keep the coffee coming as quickly as they could.

They smiled and laughed, chatted with one another and their customers, and even in the face of an overwhelming crowd, maintained both their focus and their good humor.

I had sat at the bar there for a while, looking up occasionally to see if there was an opening. I had work to do and didn’t want to spend the 10 or so minutes necessary to get my order into the process.

While pumping, pouring, mixing, and blending, one of the baristas made a comment to me about the zaniness of the morning. “You all are doing a great job! I keep waiting for the line to shrink, but the customers just keep coming and you keep everything moving,” I said.

My comment was a compliment for their hard work. What she said in response underlines a very important success and business concept: “Oh! I can get something started for you. What would you like?”

Wow!

If you’re not careful, you will overlook the remarkable value of the Starbucks culture: her first thought was how she could serve me. There was no resignation in it, no resentment, no sense that I was interrupting or disturbing them. Just a willingness to serve.

That sense continued after she delivered my Chai. No urgency to be paid. In fact, even in the midst of the rush, there was no sense of overwhelm or pressure.

As a result, I’m back today.

When I walked to the counter today and ordered my Chai, one of the baristas that was here last week looked up, “You missed it,” she said, “it’s quiet now, but you should have seen it just a few minutes ago.” Then, turning to her colleague, “He was here last week when it was so busy for so long.” They started to chat and laugh about the logistics of working around one another when there is so much to do. They included me in their conversation and as a result, drew me even more into their circle of influence.

I’ll be back.

I read it again today. While sitting in my kitchen reading my daily dose of news, I once again read about how evil the wealthy are, how they don’t deserve what they have, and how they “aren’t paying their fair share.”

All untrue.

We certainly do need leaders, but since our current crop of political parasites do not have the fortitude to lead, it will fall to us to lead ourselves.

First, it’s absolutely critical to understand the truth about money and wealth. It’s the starting point. Without that understanding and mindset, nothing else will matter.

To explain, let me take you back a few weeks to a hotel conference room in Clearwater Beach, Florida. It was a Sunday afternoon. We were nearing the conclusion of a solid three days of coaching and instruction when my friend Everte Farnell stepped to the front of the room. He held us spellbound with his wealth secrets from the ancient wisdom he has been studying (more on that in the future on these pages), with one package of insights so clean and important that I will share some of it with you now.

First, it’s useful to know that during these sessions I had experienced some intense one-on-one coaching in front of the room. So, during his talk, Everte looked directly at me and challenged my thinking. Then, he said something very important to the entire room: “We live in a cultural lie. Our culture is egalitarian. The lie is that everyone is the same, so if someone is more successful than someone else, it must be because they have lied, cheated, and stolen. It’s not true! Everyone is not the same. Some are smarter, more skilled, and more valuable as a result. Believing otherwise will keep you in bondage for the rest of your life.”

Can you see how easy it is to buy into the lie that everyone is the same? Of course, we are all human beings and we have inherent value as people, but that does not mean that what we have to offer others is the same as anyone else.

For example, is Steve Jobs more valuable to Apple than Gil Amelio? Of course! Amelio nearly killed Apple, while Jobs has brought it back and into a dominant role in the marketplace. Amelio is a very talented individual, but wasn’t the answer for Apple. Jobs is much more valuable in that role.

The same is true of you. You offer unique and valuable skills and abilities. What are they? How can you tell?

This is the first secret. It’s difficult for some people to accept. Regardless, it’s true. Here it is:

Your financial value is exactly what another is willing to pay you for what you offer times the number of people you can find to pay.

There is no other measure of financial value.

The first secret of success is this (as put by Zig Ziglar so many times): “You can get anything you want out of life if you just help enough other people get what they want.”

What can you help other people get that they want? The more valuable it is to them and the more people you find who want it, the more you will earn.

You really can get anything you want out of life if you just help enough other people get what they want.

Will you?